About — The Recovered Workaholic

My Story

Hi, I’m Jan!

From embracing the principles of service to others to recognizing the power of open communication, my journey has been one of profound insights and lessons learned.

Through challenges and realizations, I've discovered the importance of gratitude, communication, and appreciation for the unwavering support of loved ones.

As I transitioned from a demanding career to a new purpose of guiding men and women in their relationships, I'm committed to empowering others to find harmony, happiness, and fulfillment in their lives.

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In 2008, I embarked on a journey of recovery, determined to make a positive change in my life. Little did I know that this path would lead to profound insights about myself and my relationships.

During my early recovery, I enthusiastically embraced the idea of being of service to others, a cornerstone principle in the recovery community. The saying, "Be of service to others," resonated deeply with me. However, I overlooked a critical aspect of this message: the concept of being of "maximum service to others," which included my husband.

As I immersed myself in my newfound sense of purpose, I began to prioritize personal growth and self-improvement above all else, even above my husband's needs.

Unintentionally, I placed him on the back burner, assuming that he would understand my unspoken needs and expectations.

This pattern repeated itself when, in 2015, my father entrusted me with the care of my ailing mother before he passed away. He had never explicitly said, "Become her full-time caregiver," but I took on this role, in addition to managing a demanding position at a pediatric dental practice.

My fixation on this "new role" consumed me, leading to unintended consequences. I relentlessly sought support, failing to communicate with my husband about my changing agenda. I was unaware of my own growing selfishness, fueled by a desire to be fully immersed in various activities and communities.

During this time, the opinions and perceptions of others held tremendous sway over me. Despite my deep bond with my mother, I couldn't help but feel resentment toward my role as her caregiver. I secretly thought that if she were no longer in my life, I could continue with my "busy" life, unknowingly sidelining the role of a loving and dutiful daughter that she deserved. Regrettably, my resentment began to extend to my husband, as I felt he was not supporting me in the way I expected.

Amidst these challenges, I fixated on the flaws and imperfections in our relationship, losing sight of the beauty that surrounded us. It wasn't until a friend posed a simple question during a car ride, "Jan, your dad asked you to take care of your mom, not become her full-time caregiver, right?" that I began to see things differently. That moment triggered a profound shift in my perspective.

I realized that I had placed an unspoken expectation on my husband to intuitively understand my needs, even when I had never explicitly communicated them to him. This expectation of mind-reading was a source of frustration and miscommunication in our relationship.

It was a significant realization for me that open and honest communication was the key to bridging the gap between our expectations and reality.

Moreover, I recognized that my husband had made the decision with me to leave our home and move in with my mom to care for her. This decision highlighted the depth of his commitment and support. It underscored the strength of our partnership and the sacrifices we both made for the sake of our family. Looking back, I realized how I had taken his unwavering dedication for granted.

Every morning, I now wake up with a newfound attitude. While I'm not perfect, I've learned to step out of the trap of self-absorption more quickly than before. I'm grateful for this transformation and the liberation it brings. I no longer let fear and self-imposed roles define me. Instead, I'm committed to being a compassionate, loving partner.

In 2020, I made the decision to retire from my demanding role in a pediatric dental practice. With this transition, I discovered a renewed sense of purpose. I am now deeply committed to helping men and women navigate their partnerships and relationships. My goal is to empower and support men and women in nurturing healthy, fulfilling, and soulful connections with their partners. This shift in focus reflects my desire to make a positive impact on the lives of men and women, guiding them with strength and resilience on their unique journeys.